I am sorry you are not here for your birthday. I think this would be the perfect for both of us to start lying about our age. I mean, really, 28 is so believable. We haven't wrinkled, we can still dance the night away, we are still pretty, 28 it would be. So I won't tell the world how old you would be on Saturday, so that we can stick to our lie.
All day today, I have been wondering why I feel so lonely. And I just realized, I miss you. I woke up this morning feeling lonely and I thought I missed seeing my friends. I have been so busy lately. But i realize now, I just miss you. A thousand episodes of GLEE and I still feel so sad.
I want to get to a place where I can think of you, and not cry. I want to remember you with happiness and joy, but I am not there yet. I feel anger and bitterness and a sense of it all being so unfair. Mostly, I just really miss you.
People tell me I must let go. That you would want me to let you go. People are full of shit. If this were me, I know I would want you to mourn me. More than dying, I'd be afraid of everyone just forgetting I existed. Deep in my heart, I know that you too would not want me to let you go just yet.
So this is my gift to you and to our friendship. I mourn you. I miss you. I love you. I haven't forgotten you. I haven't forgiven the world, for being so unfair to you.
