I Love You

I love you.

I needed you in my life.

My life has been hard enough. You should have been spared.

I thought I have been avoiding getting drunk because I didn't want to spiral into depression.  Turns out, I just didn't want to fall apart.

Somshukla said she thought, after my childhoold, after Subho, I would be given a free pass. Turns out we were all wrong. I would still lose you. How is that fair? I had my fair share of pain, you should have been spared.

Your love was important to me. It meant more to me than you would ever know. It meant I counted amongst normal people.

I walked down Third Avenue crying today. It's too much pain. Why you? Why not someone else? Someone less important to me.

Yes, I know it's selfish but love is selfish. I need you alive. I need you in my life.

I love you. More than you know.

I am strong, but this is too much for even me. This is unfair. It's cruel. It's mean and it's spiteful.

I don't want you to stay dead. I want you to come back to life.

I don't want to let go.

I just want you back.

You belong in my life. You don't belong to the dead. You need to come back to me. You need to be my best friend. I still need one. And I don't want another one. I just want you back. I need you back. Come back to me. Please.

Tomorrow, I will wake up and this will be a bad dream. Please let it just be a bad dream.  Please just come back.