Gossip: "u r a slut and you know that. die!"

Last night, I really wanted to call you after I got the email from Rono. I wanted talk to you about how much he hasn't changed. This is exactly how he would react when we were younger, and he said something assholish to you, and I called him out on it. He would end up calling me a slut or a whore or something like that.

Then you know, go talk to his friends about the writings of Naomi Wolf or Foucault. Asshole. Sexist Asshole.

Idiot doesn't yet get, that I think slut is a good word. Never has.

When I sent him that email I was  afraid he would take it graciously. Had he taken it graciously, maybe I would have felt bad. I would felt that he has grown, and I am punishing him for the person he was in his youth. Not so much. 

Debooh, I so want to call you about this. I could only really have this conversation with you.

Anyhow, I missed  you so much, I took a xanax to bed and woke up at 11.00 AM.  I wish I could have just stayed in bed.

I love you so much. I miss you so much. Sometimes I am sure, my heart will break.

I had all but forgotten Rono till you got cancer. Then you started blaming yourself for the cancer. Thinking you must be a bad person. I blamed Rono for this way you blamed yourself and the way you felt you were a bad person. He spend many years convincing you that you were not good enough and were a bad person. When I heard you blame yourself, I felt such intense hatred, I could have wrung his neck with my bare hands. People shouldn't forgive him. Not the people who loved you at any rate.